Dear Banana,
I understand that you love me, and I understand that to your little adorable orange kitten self I represent your mother. However, unlike your mother, I do not produce milk, and so when you suck on my arm as if it were your actual mother's nipple, it should not surprise you that nothing comes out. Why then do you persist so? My arms are not nipples. Milk does not come out of my arms. Milk will never come out of my arms, no matter how much you suck on them and no matter how much you look at me with your adorable kitten eyes.
This would not be a problem if a) you didn't lick your bum, b) your suckle-fests didn't land me with tiny kitten hickies all over my arms, or c) you didn't wake me up at 6 in the morning suckling on my nose.
This has to stop.
Love,
~boo
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